Lets have a heart to heart

Guten Morgen...I seem to have to apologize to the readers of Fluffy more often than not recently...for the fact that life and the stress of it has gotten in the way of my creativity and positivity. Over the past few weeks there has been alot that has transpired in our lives, and not all of it for the better..some has been great..for example Dalton leaving to start his life in the Army but even that and the adjustment for us as Empty Nesters has caused a certain amount of stress..unfortunantly other issues have caused a great deal of unrest in our lives, but with some readjusting and change of plans we are dealing with life has served up..I personally have had to make some decisions to preserve my sense of well being and one of those unfortunantly has been to admit to myself that I can no longer do everything that I want to and maintain a sense of calm in my life. For me, that means that I have had to take a good long look at my choices, goals and the life that I and we (Matthias and myself) want to live. The number one issue that we focused on is that I am away from home ALOT, and not for hours at a time but sometimes weeks at a time and it is not working for us..it is one thing for me to live out of a suitcase but it is another for him to have to work full time and maintain household..he would never, ever complain because he is awesome like that but I know how much work it is for me when I am home. The second point is for my health, headaches, not being able to sleep, and a sense of anxiety..is not the answer. I am fortunate enough at this point in my life where I do not have to fight for and account for every last penny earnd and spent, to have a wonderful husband that wants me to be able to relax and enjoy this life. It has been an uphill struggle for almost 3 years now and I am tired, tired of not being accepted for who I am where I live, tired of making demands on myself trying to always be better, tired of people who have no respect for our marriage, tired of trying to help others who do not want to help themselves..I am just tired, and to be honest a bit on the angry side. So you ask..what does this all mean?? It means that I am simplifying my life, it means that I will not be continuing in PA School, it means that I will not be signing up for every single opportunity that I can with the Reserves, it means that we will be taking some time as a couple to get to know each other again, it means that I will be taking some time to regain a sense of balance in my life..or to gain a sense of balance is more like it..previously as a single parent everything was on automatic and I did not have the luxury to think about where and what I wanted to be..I just was. It means that I will be doing some deep soul searching and most likely it will mean that I try out alot of crafty things..painting, sewing, baking..and that I will be putting my body to use again..exercising and maybe even a little dancing. It means we will actually have time to maybe do some traveling, some exploring, some enjoyment in growing older together..getting off of the hamster wheel.
For some of you maybe you will think loser, life is about getting ahead, about having more..I have lived that life and to be honest..maybe it did more damage than good..maybe it is time to be a regular woman, not an over acheiver who is always in high gear, who moved ahead and probably missed a whole lot of life chances because that is what was expected..maybe if I had taken some more time to relax and had not always searched and strived for more life would be different..we have enough right now, our life is good..it is time that I understand that and it is time that I am thankful for what God has given me.