Take some time..a step back and really re evaluate your life..where you are..where you want to be..and maybe even call time out for a bit until you can start to figure it out...this is where I find myself right now..for the first year i was here I was in shock, the second year and into the third it seemed like everything that could go wrong with my family did..and I spent a whole lot of time and energy trying to figure out how to fill the gap that leaving my family and friends and the life I had in the states had left in my life..that need to be comfortable, to have a purpose to get out of bed day in and day out..this crazy drive to try and recapture the energy and goals that I had before have continued..leading me to make some not so well thought out choices, spend a lot of time away from my husband, and making me more and more frustrated. I am calling time out..a time out desperately needed..some time to say to hell with trying to find a job that gives me the same satisfaction I had while in various ERs from one coast to the other..it is not going to happen here..period. Time out to nuture my marriage for a minute..we knew with mixing cultures it was not going to be so easy but looking back I have made it even harder on us..with this constant searching, constant need to try and be more than what was right in front of me..for once in my life I don't have to fight and struggle to make sure everything is done for me and my kids alone..it is long time for me to realize this and enjoy my life and where I am right now...my head is spinning..I don't know what my next step will be..thank goodness I can take a few and map out a plan..because I know me..I need some sort of life map..a plan..a goal..or 2..I just need to breath and count to a couple of thousand..realize that I cannot recapture my life for what it was before..I am in a different country, the culture and way things are done, the attitudes, the way of looking at things are completely different here.That is something that if someone would have asked me a little over 3 years ago I would have never..not for the life of me.. expected..I had lived all over the US..have gypsy blood running through my veins..thought that I could go and live anywhere and it would be easy peasy..Was I ever oh so wrong!!!! This has been really really hard. I was talking to one of my girlfriends last night, she is also married to a German citizen, she also gave up her life in the states to be wih a wonderful man and she is also struggling..missing having the small moments like meeting a friend at Starbucks for a coffee or meeting for a glass of wine ..too bad we live hours apart..:C. However.. in all of this not knowing where I am going..what my next life phase will look like..1 thing is staying constant..my flipping weight..BUT..I have not given up..even though I have days like yesterday where my highest goal is to brush my teeth and shower..only to put on a clean pair of PJs. So..once more friends and readers of Fluffy..I am gathering my strength and inner fight..have rearranged my workout area..see pics!! Made a chart, 1 week at a time..at this point in my life that is what is manageable..anything more and I get off track..today's weight..72.1 kg, 158.62 lbs, waist is 86 cm or 34 inches..my workout this morning looked like this::::5 km on the treadmill, took the pups for a walk, 50 of each of the following..crunches, bridges, squats with hand weights, jumping jacks..30 of each of the following..reverse push ups, chair dips, russian twists, leg extends, and scissors. So far I have taken 5665 steps today..will break out the Wii and finish them out in a bit for my goal of 10,000. I have to say..even though this weight is not falling off I am convinced that the regular exercise and sweat sessions are helping to keep my mood out of the toilet..that and seeing how happy it makes the fuzzy faces to get out and explore the neighborhood. So..wonderful people..until tomorrow..now that I am in my time out I have time to write again!! Happy about that for sure....I think writing it all out gives me a sense of direction..
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