So many??..COOL!!

You guys..along with my husband are totally awesome..Fluffy has had as of today over 3500 readers..I hope some of you are repeat..at any rate..thank you for reading!! And for my husband..thank you for the goodies this morning..the flowers brightened my day and the pedicure machine works very well!!

Thank you God!

Okay, so being in my current not so good mood I decided to take full advantage of a sleeping house and worship our amazing God..I start almost every morning with an entry in my prayer journal and then read my Bible, jotting down scriptures that hit home for me..well, this morning I found several..and for those of you that are struggling with issues..any issues..the books of Hebrews and James have wonderful guidence for you..speaking from experience here folks..here is a verse..well a few that really hit home for me this morning..James 1:2-6.."My brothers and sisters whenever you face trials of any kind consider it nothing but joy, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance and let endurance have it's full effect, so that you may be mature and complete lacking in nothing. If any of you is lackng in wisdom, ask God, who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly, and it will be given to you. But ask in faith, never doubting."
So instant replay on my morning..still tired but much more grateful..Thank you God for this life I have, my loved ones, and your word.
 

Are you kidding me??

Good morning all..it is just now 5:03am..have been up for a while thanks to the following 4 factors..a husband that sometimes snores like a bear, a cat that wanted to see what it would be like to be a head warmer, a dog that can usually sleep 10 or more hours at a time that decided he needed to pee really bad, and my own coughing due to the fact it is winter and since I am am the relatively healthy side I cannot manage to get sick enough to stay in bed but just be sick enough to feel like crap while going about my day..but if I was really sick who would do all the stuff that needs to be done I have to ask myself? Since despite the fact that there are 3 adults living in this house I woke up to dirty dishes in the sink and a load of clean dishes ready to be put away but instead the dishwasher door was open..to let them dry I suppose...where the hell are the cleaning fairies when you need them?? At anyrate.. it is now officially the day of New Years Eve..hopefully my mood will improve before we have company this evening, it will be a late night, not because I will be getting my dance and champagne on but because we have 2 dogs that are scared to death of fireworks..and they are allowed everywhere here..including the neighborhood where we live, so I plan on making a pallet in the livingroom to hopefully provide a sense of calm for the poor babies. Marli the hellcat has no fear..of anything..I have caught her over the last 2 days playing..in the kitchen sink and in the upstairs toilet..but she is always super sweet when she is tired!! 
So, I purchased and tried a new fruit that I had never seen before yesterday..a Sweetie, it kind of looks like a grapefruit but the taste is really mild, the skin on the outside is super thick and the skin around each segment was too..an interesting taste experience but not one I will be repeating anytime soon..but the banana, sharon fruit, and kiwi I sliced up to go along with it were super yummy and made for a good dinner instead of something heavier.. Am hoping to make it onto the treadmill at some point this morning..maybe a bit of sweat will help me get rid of the number 1 crappy mood I am in and number 2 the germs in my body..however in my search to be more positive..yesterday I found an awesome site in the internet that I can take practice tests for my upcoming language exam for free!! So..enjoy the last day of 2013, I know I am counting the minutes down to break open the new calendars!!

Numbers..and Goals, not always what we expect!

Hello to you all, as promised..numbers as in weight, measurements and goals for the next couple of months..my weight for today..66.5 kilograms, measurements..waist-29.5 inches/75 cm, hips-37.5 inches/95 cm, thighs-22.5 inches/57 cm, and upper arms..my least fave body part..11.5 inches/29 cm. My weight loss goals for January and February..65 kg to 63.5 kg respectively. These numbers are higher than what I was expecting but still I am okay with them, I feel pretty good in my skin most of the time but know that I still have a lot of work to do to reach my health and fitness goals..As far as my non New Years Resolutions..do not want to say New years Resolutions because we all know for the most part those go out the window very soon after the beginning of the new year..so I am renaming them for my need..I have 17 written down so far but will only share 6 of them with you all today, I am counting on this to be a living list..one that will change and grow with the months of the year..so here goes...1)Find a church that fits and attend regularly 2) volunteer at the animal shelter that we adopted Melissa and Marli from 3 ) make 2 friends this year, real friends, not just acquaintances..I know sounds easy but don't hold your breath on this one..4) have a date night 2 times a month with my husband 5) read 8 novels in German and 6) travel to 5 new places in Europe where I have never been before, some can be in Deutschland but not all...okay, there you have it...high numbers, and high hopes..Bis Morgen!!

Insightfulness..always a good thing??

.ö---öä------Good Morning everyone..the writing to the left is Marli's contribution to today's post..one more up before everyone else,and am getting super used to it..reminds me of  before Matthias and I were married and I would wake up 2 to 3 hours before I had to go to work so I could have a couple of hours to myself..funny how as I am making a concious effort to regain my source of calm and activity searching to find my place of center..that solitude would be such a large part of the process..and what is also interesting is that I am taking this journey at this time in my life, my kids are adults, I am for once not having to go to work everyday and stress over every dime, and I have everything that I could possibly want..outside of living closer to my family that is..oh, and having an awesome church community close by where I can worship..but have hopefully located a church, will be checking it out when I return from Kaiserslautern. I am hoping that it is a good fit as I am missing that part of my life quite a bit as we speak, as Matthias has been saying a lot over the past few months ..I cannot seem to find my inner calm..but with continued efforts and changes that I am making hopefully that will change over the course of the next several months..funny how things really are never better on the other side of the fence, here I am married to a man that makes sure we have everything we need and want but with the culture differences, no matter how hard I try here it never seems to be enough..what came easy to me in my previous life like finding a job, having good friends to connect with and be really open with,  having a place to worship..are not so easy here, as an outsider..things seem to have to be a fight every step of the way..and I think over the course of the last 2.5 years my gas tank is definantly on the empty side..that is the reason , I believe that I find myself in the middle of this search for not only a sense of calm and peace but perhaps also on a journey to redefine myself in these surroundings, in this situation. I am at the point that I do not know what the answers are, where to find the solutions..I pray everyday for God to give me the strength I need to get through the days and to give me an attitude of grace and gratitude and I know through experience through him all things are indeed possible and that we will never be placed in a situation that we do not have what it takes..because of him to get through it but sometimes it can be pretty darned difficult and frustrating in the process..
I know that new Years resolutions are generally made and disregarded a few days or weeks later but this year I feel the need to compile a list of changes to be made and while I am at it..the urge to compile a Bucket list has also been in the back of my mind..so will work on these today, get on the scale and take some measurements..with the new year coming and spring along with it it is time for Fluffy to refocus on what Fluffyseeksfirm was started for..a journey to a healthier, happier life..Please continue on this journey with me, as I grow and redefine who I am as a person, spritually, professionally..

Images Christmas 2013

Good morning to all, sorry did not get these up yesterday but after cleaning, studying, and basically winding the Christmas season way down I just wanted to be a little lazy yesterday evening and not be on the computer!From the top..Melissa and her very first Christmas tree, she was not an exception when it came to getting into the gifts a little early but then again I think little Marli was the big instigator in most of the shenanigens! 2nd is a fruit sald that tasted so good the first time I made it that I ended up making it for another event and it tasted every bit as good, what for a vitamin bomb! 3rd..Santa at his workbench repairing Tigger and other victims of the fallen Christmas tree..but now Tigger is as good as new..see pic to left! 4th is the main theme of what my Christmas gifts were..getting ready for PA school..super cool and starting to get really excited, so much to do to prepare and I am havinga really hard time trying to keep my activities in order..first to Ktown, then B2 exam, then to Brussels, then snow skiing....get the pic? and there are lots of things here to do in between all of this..anyway..Santa was awesome to me this year..Thank you again! Under is only a part of my baking marathon results..almost all gifts that left this house this year were homemade, I hope everyone enjoys them. Okay, now..must get on the phone and make hotel reservations..have an awesome Saturday..guys are heading back into the woods today so I have another day alone..

Once more up before everyone else..except for the cat!!

Good morning all, once more the morning is still dark and I am getting to enjoy a bit of time to myself..coffee is made, critters are fed and have resituated themselves and are once more sleeping. The guys will be up in a bit to head out to the woods to continue cutting wood so we will be warm for the next couple of winters..I will begin the process of undecorating the house and reorganizing so that we can have a fresh start into the new year..there are mixed rules of thumb on the decorating and when to take down..my opinion every family should do what works for them and their lifestyle..me, I am a bit on the OCD side and I like all to be organized and decluttered, when there are no more gifts under the tree..it is time to wrap it up and put everything away for the next year..have aken a few more pics, will download and post later today. I will begin the process of preparing for my B2 exam today also ..it is on Jan.18th and even though that sounds like plenty of time we..Dalton and I.. will be heading to Kaiserslautern for over a week into between now and then and with other assorted things to do between the days the time will fly..no grass will be growning under my feet for the next few years I think it is very safe to say..I will have to keep up my early mornings alone to find my center and regroup..but I must say..not a bad way to start the days..okay..yesterday's workout did me good, even with the cold in tow..it helped to sweat it out and after a vitamin packed fruit and soy jogurt smoothie I was set for the day..will shoot for a repeat of energy and motivation today also..time to get started..enjoy your mornings, afternoons, evenings..Bis Später!!

December is on it's way out....

Good Morning everyone..2 days of celebrating with family down, 1 more to go..and all accompanied by a pesky cold..2 more packets of aspirin should do the trick though..must say I was super happy to be back home yesterday evening in my jammies and new slipper socks snuggled down with some fuzzy faced babies..like Dorthy and Toto..there is no place like home! Did get to talk to my mom and oldest..Trevor.. yesterday ..we have decided that after spending the last 3 Christmas Seasons in Deutschland that next year we are going to be in Texas..it is my family's turn and since both of the boys will be back in the states...needless to say..Ich freue mich!! For all of you that are our position..away from family and friends...even though we have made homes and built new relationships I know it can be rough during the holidays..stay positive and busy..it helps..that and lots of phone calls!!
Our sweet melissa and Marli had their first Christmas's in a forever home..Missy actually came and got her 2 new toys and put them in her area..she is still learning how to play with toys..but I must say her and Marli are becoming fast friends..Max is just too old for all of their childish nonsense!! He is much more interested in sleeping and making sure no one else gets to be on the livingroom chair!! but..he still enjoys opening his gifts..and other people's also..he made it a point to help Dalton yesterday..why is it you never seem to have a camera when you need it?? have been reading on facebook..lots of people have shared exciting news..new babies on the way, weddings to plan..so happy for all of you. But not all in the world is going well, we need to lift up prayers to those affected by weather related tragedys, war..and close to my heart those who are still deployed and away from their families..all soldiers, not just those from the US. Sometimes I think as adults we all wish for those holidays where all was simple..gifts, Santa..done. Being adults is for the most part pretty heavy stuff..I think in my choices for the new year I am going to incorporate finding little ways to bring more joy into our daily lives..Wishing all of you a wonderful 26th..

The world is sleeping...

Good morning to all..here it is Christmas Eve morning..I am awake before my entire household..except of course for Marli, who I believe has gone back to sleep after getting her belly full with yummy cat food. The dogs have eaten and been outdoors and I am drinking coffee and wishing that I could be getting ready to spend time with my family in the US, especially my oldest son..he is at that age..22 where he doesn't realize that the time will fly and he should spend more time with family but I guess we all go through that stage, starting our own lives, going to school..anyway..all I know is we miss him bunches..the hard part is I know it would be different if we didn't live so far away..but we have all made decisions and sacrifices..now to make our lives the best that we can..I am praying that 2014 is a better year for us, 2013 was really pretty stressful and even though some great things happened I am ready to close this door and move on..
I know that for this moment right now I am grateful, and I am going to make it a point to remain so..not to get caught up in the negativity, the stress, the judgements of others..things that I have allowed to beat me down over the past couple of years..to realize that I am responsible for myself, for caring for my family, and being the best person I can be..all of the outside noise is just that..noise.
So, pretty deep thoughts for so early in the morning..but I think sometimes the solitude is something we all need...time to reflect, time to grow, time to touch base with our God..
for all of you..be blessed, enjoy this day...

 

The Christmas Terror Cat!!

 Good evening to all! Have spent the day in the kitchen baking away..did take about 10 minutes to eat some Tofu Veggie Curry though (pic Left) and it was pretty yummy..the pic on the top is Marli from her hiding place under the tree..I must say though, after she tipped the entire thing over yesterday she has not made another attempt to climb it! The 3rd pic is one of my classmates and instructor from my Monday Wednesday eveing Deutsch course, on our last evening we all brought goodies and got to spend a little time just talking and getting to know each other..it was fun and the opportunity to meet so many people with so many different cultures and customs is always interesting..4th pic down is me in all of my baking glory, still in jammies because it makes no sense to get all dressed up to get things like flour, chocolate, and butter on you!
The pics below are of course sweet babies who do not knock the tree over and finished products of cake with frosting drizzled on the top and blueberry muffins in process..what is funny is I am baking all of this stuff that has butter, eggs, milk, etc..and I can't eat any of it..way to not pack on the holiday pounds!! I will however have to hit the treadmill in the morning..I feel so sluggish when I miss a day or 2. Okay..peanut 
butter cookies are in the oven..must moniter..Have an awesome evening!

So much for a relaxing Sunday morning...

Good morning to you all, well..I guess technically it is now afternoon here but as it is Sunday things tend to move a bit slower!! that is except for the little, sweet terror of a cat we call Marli..she, being an indoor cat has found the christmas tree to be an object of fasination that we apparently put up and decorated only for her, a source of constant amusement. She finally suceeded this morning in the middle of our burnch to not only climb the christmas tree but also to knock the entire thing over..water, pine needles, decorations everywhere..my first thought was I am going to kill her, second was just to laugh and wonder what took her so long..but now all is cleaned up,gifts rewrapped and I have a little Santa Baby playing..life is not so hard! 
I must say however, people never tend to stop suprising me, the fact that what comes out of people's mouths ...do they not think before making comments out loud? I was actually asked yesterday..since I am from Texas (..and we all have guns, pickups, horses..whatever people!!)...if we had guns during our christmas celebrations. I am still reeling over the question, maybe people should read more, open their minds and source of limited exposure up to other cultures and not be so judgemental.(Asking questions about other cultures or places is okay but enough already of the flipping stereotypes) It would be like everyone assuming that everyone that comes from Deutschland eats only pretzels or that people from places like China eat dog, Russians all wear fur hats and drink bottles of Vodka, or that people from Poland all steal cars..there are several layers to each country and each region and my thoughts over the comments that are made is that people should take it upon themselves to learn more and not make such judgements about places and people that are different..it does not make us bad people, we also have thoughts, feelings, and passions...maybe if people would stop looking down their noses at not only me, but also others that were not born and raised in this area their lives would be a little richer for the effort..I know, because of living all over the US and now meeting people from all over the world I have been blessed and have met some incredible, highly intelligent, amazing human beings. I do not know about all of you out there but when I meet new people I make it a point not to be rude or out right judgemental..yes, we all have experiences where we have a gut feeling about someone but my Mama raised me to ALWAYS be polite..a good lesson learned if I must say.
So, enough of my rant for the day..time to move on and enjoy the holidays and hope to duck any more crazy comments or assumptions! Have been baking and cooking ..will post pics later today or in the morning!! Have a blessed Sunday!

As promised Bremen Weihnacht!!

 Guten Morgen! Pics from Bremen, they have 2 Weihnachts Markts, one in the middle of the city and one on the water with a more pirate-viking theme..at any rate they are both fun to go to with lots to see, drink, and eat. Met up with Uncle Alex..as he lives there..and got to visit for a bit. Would love to go back and spend the day, maybe without the guys as there is a huge Karstadt there that is just begging for me to spend a significant amount of time indoors shopping..it takes up an entire city block. I have an appointment in Leer today, hopefully to get some work done with all of my diplomas, and misc other paperwork so all of my nursing training and education can be recognized here and I can get to work..okay...I hope you all have a great day..tomorrow is friday..will head to Rheine...trying to be super well prepared for the new year!!

Christmas Tree green nails..and singing..lots of singing!!

Schnakenberg Christmas Tree

Aurich's Weihnachts Zauber

VW Crew!

Missy resting up for Sant's visit

Marli begins mission to destroy Christmas Tree!!

Max pretending he is a bear by hibernating!!

Good eveing to you all! Yes, I have not only painted my fingernails green but also my toenails..and I added a little copper color to my hair..falala!! Wanted to share some of the pics I have been collecting over the past few days..we were also at the Bremen Weihnachts Markt yesterday but that would have been pic overload so stay tuned for more first thing in the morning..my morning..here in Deutschland..for all of my fabulous readers in the US and South America, it is almost the end of my day by the time you are all up and around..yes, I know..I am soo freaking old..in sleeping habits at any rate!! Have spent the entire day cleaning and rearranging my house, all the while playing CD after CD of Christmas music...my absolute fav song it Hard Candy Christmas by Dolly Parton..fave turn it up loud Christmas song..yes..there is such a thing..Santa Baby by the Pussycat Dolls! Best traditional always brings tears to my eyes..what else but Silent Night..fav Christmas CD..by none other than Kenny Chesney! Okay..have to cut it a bit short this evening..we are having a little party in my evening Deutsch class also..time to go..Bis Morgen!

And the Christmas parties begin.....

Good afternoon to all!! Wanted to first say I am sorry I haven't been in touch for a few days and second share some very Christmasy pictures with all of you! On Sunday as you all know we hadChristmas party in Kaiserslautern and then yesterday the International Club that I am in also celebrated the season together..my youngest son played Santa and I think that he had alot of fun doing it too! This is my second year to celebrated with a great group of people from all over the world..sometimes I think to myself.."Who gets to meet so many people from so many countries?" just by first coming together to learn how to speak Deutsch and then we grow together and  watch not only ourselves grow and change but also our kids,& our families..pretty cool stuff if you take a minute to think about it all. On my Fluffy note here..it is not so easy going to all of these functions and maintaing my Vegan status..all of the goodies that people make, but perserverance pays off and at the end of the day it feels good to have stood by my conviction to number 1 not contribute to the killing of animals and number 2 to stay on this healthy path...We had a meeting today (International Group) and I knew that we would be having lots of delicious cakes and other treats to offer so I packed my own lunch..now to go to the Christmas market this evening and find something good to eat! Surely I can find some sauteed Mushrooms or oriental noodles with veggies!! Confession time..NO, I did not work out this morning but took the pups for a long walk when I got home,this made them happy and it felt good to be getting a bit of exercise after sitting most of the day. My husband has the next 3 weeks off of work, looking forward to getting to spend some time together..that is after next wekk as my schedule of classes and other activities will continue staus quo..At anyrate..I wish you all a fabulous pre Christmas weekend..enjoy the time and first and foremost remeber that Jesus is the reason for the season!! God bless.

For everyone out there that believes...someone needs your help.

Hello to all of you..got news today of a young man in Texas that is friends with my oldest son who is in the hospital due to a drug overdose, he is not expected to pull through..I am asking ALL of you who pray, and even those who normally don't to send up prayers for this young man..his name is Hackey that not only does he pull through this situation but also that he finds the help he needs for his drug usage. the power of prayer is strong and even stronger when multiplied..please pray for Hackey and all of the others who are stuggling with drugs. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

ready set go...

Good morning to you all, am back at home and ready to be a bit more on the healthy side this morning..started the day with a fresh fruit smoothie and am in the process of drinking my cleanse drink of hot water, fresh lemon juice, and cayanne pepper  2 shakes..a bit spicy for first thing in the morning but after this weekend of being away, eating at the Christmas Market in Kaiserslautern and trying to stay awake while driving yesterday by consuming salted peanut after salted peanut.. I am feeling well..a bit fluffy this morning, along with the fact that I did not workout 1 time this weekend..it is time to get back into the swing of my daily life..cleaning, studying, pets, and taking care of others..hopefully in the midst of it all I can find some time for me..thru all of this healthier, positive living I am doing alot of reading about inner happiness and self acceptance. I think that we as women..this may or may not apply to my male readers out there..are super hard on ourselves, we have somehow taken it upon ourselves to make sure that everyone else is taken care of and happy but we have totally put ourselves on the back burner so to speak..we do not take the time to nourish our selves, our souls and unfortunantly for most of us those around us do not take it upon themselves to notice and act when we are tired, stressed out, and generally burnt out..while we are programmmed to just keep going ..kind of like the energizer bunny, except we cannot wear warm, fuzzy, pink costumes all day!! So, ladies PLEASE give yourself permission to say no when you are tired, or just when you feel that voice of annoyance come creeping up because that is your body and mind saying NO, you need to take some time for YOURSELF!!!!! And for you guys out there, if you are experiencing the same thing you can say no also..but truthfully, I have yet to see a man who has this issue. So, in my quest to nuture myself, I am going to drink another detox drink and then hit the treadmill to further reduce stress because we all know that exercise releases all sorts of feel good chemicals!! not to mention that as a result of that exercise.. when we put on our skinny jeans they slide on easily..now that is awesome!! Okay, be blessed,be healthy,  send up a big thank you to our amazing God, and share your smile..you never know who may need it!

Jesus is the real reason for the season!

Good evening all, sorry for the delay but as you have come to notice my time spent in Kaiserslautern with not only my coworkers, fellow soldiers, and my second family is pretty darned busy..not so much time with a relaxed cup or 2 of coffee while I write Fluffy entries..however, it is now Sunday evening and we are done for the weekeend except for washing clothes, repacking and getting a good nights sleep before heading home in the morning. We spent a couple of hours at the Kaiserslautern Weihnachts Markt yesterday evening and I wanted to share some of the pics with you all..including one of my son consuming 1 of 3 dinner items..okay, when eating at the Markts all over Deutschland you do not consume dinner but several tasty items that when combined with a Glühwein..which as mentioned in a previous post is a red wine with spices and sometimes an extra shot of say Rum..served hot..well, here we consider it to take the place of dinner, and if you start early enough..it can also serve as a late lunch..anyway one of the absolute joys of living here esp during the holiday season!
We had our holiday party this afternoon, good fellowship and a great chance for us to get most of our families together..and of course after a weekend of Army imersion for my son he finished out the weekend by meeting the General of our command here in Europe, I do not know about him but if I was in his shoes I would think this was a pretty cool way to end the day..and I have to say I was proud for him to meet all of the others that I see not often enough that mean so much to me. Funny thing about being in my situation here, it is kind of like I lead 2 lives, my German life when I am at home and my American life when I come here..and even though sometimes to be honest it can be difficult and a bit frustrating I could not imagine my life any other way and I leave here every month inspired and energized by the people I work with, not only the ones my age or even a bit older due to their wisdom and experience but esp by those who are young and have made such a commitment and work so hard for what they believe in , their families, and their goals..sometimes it is still so impressive for me to think that I am lucky enough to be a part of something so much bigger than myself.
Okay, enough warm fuzzies, fact is I am blessed, blessed to have the opportunities that I do, blessed to have 2 wonderful sons that even though we have stumbled along the way we have picked ourselves up and I am super proud of the choices they are making and the men they are becoming, and blessed to have such an incredible husband who sometimes has to stand on the sidelines and watch as those of us who tend to be a bit louder, a bit more pushy, a bit more direct plow thru our lives and are able to reach our goals because he is our solid rock of support that loves us no matter what and supports us no matter what.
Time to close out my day, may God blees you all and we will talk again on Tuesday.

Good morning all., am writing in Army green as we will be spending the day on the road drivng to Kaiserslautern ..I for work, my son to meet his recruiter face to face..plan on hitting up at least 1 Weihnanchts Markt while there if not 2 so hopefully I will have some pics for you over the next couple of days..I  wish it was not such a hassle every month..packing  loading  unloading  repacking  loading  unpacking.. not to mention the time spent driving, about 14 hours all together...but what are you going to do? Living so far away has it advantages and disadvantages..
We have been in the middle of a pretty big storm with high winds and rain for the past 16 hours, it continues to be super windy and I am a little on the stressed side about driving but with some prayers and patience I am sure all will be okay. 
Alright, not so much this morning as we need to finish loading the car..Bis Dann..

Praised God, ate something, produced some sweat..feeling better right about now!

Okay..so in the midst of my little pity party I decided to do something about my crappy mood.wrote a very long prayer to God asking for strength and serenity,.made a super healthy green smoothie and worked out for about an hour..so now I am sweaty and probably stink but do not feel so down in the dumps..so WHATEVER it takes..not that life is a bucket full of roses and happy unicorns but being grateful and content is a matter of choice..so I hope you all find that place in your hearts and minds today..Bis Morgen!!

I think I am homesick...or..do I really have to deal with another rude asshole??

Good morning dear readers of Fluffy...I totally need your positive vibes this morning, woke up once more completely frustrated and a little angry, as dumb as a move as it would be for us to pick up and move back to the states at this time sometimes I just feel so completely drained by the situation here, I miss my family, I miss friendly people, I miss having some meaning in life other than how clean my house is..I know I have so much to be thankful for..a husband who makes it so that I do not have to worry about every cent, a great house, the ability to be able to do the Army thing, and return to school to pursue a dream, the fact that both of my kids are doing great..I do not know what it is..Do you ever feel like you are just running in circles, trying to find your place, trying to make everyone else happy and non- inconvienced and you, yourself..you just end up feeling frustrated and just flat worn out? That is where I am right now..maybe it is just an over 40, married with kids, female thing..or maybe it is just me..maybe it is lack of adventure, lack of having friends here to connect with, lack of self sufficiency, the knowledge that to make the next step I need to contact one of the city agencies here to get all of my official documents in order to get a job but I have NO desire what so ever to deal with more rude people which has been my experience here with every last city office employee..
Maybe it is the fact the holidays are here I once more I am not with my oldest son or my mom, or that is dark for so many hours of the day, or that my days have no variety, or that maybe even though I am not working now the fact that I have what seems like a million things to do everyday, or the fact we have not had any real time off to enjoy ourselves for way over a year, or that what I would really love to do is go to a real Mall, drink a Starbucks, and meet a good friend for a little shopping and I know that is not going to happen anytime soon..maybe that is the problem..reading over what I have shared with you all this morning..it seems that I am just perhaps flat out home sick..I must say, that it took a while..almost 2.5 years but I think it has finally set in. For any of you that are in my situation I would love to hear from you..maybe some ideas of how to jump this hurdle..

Here's to the Christmas season!!

 Hello to all of you..wanted to share a few pics from this weekend..it was super busy and I must say..today I am totally wiped out..trying to catch up on all of my homework for this week and get ready to head to Kaiserslautern once more this weekend..great this is my son will be speaking with the recruiter while we are there so it will most definantly be a productive weekend. First..cheers to you all, I hope everyone that celebrates Thanksgiving had a good one with family and friends, we had counting us.. 11 people for our feast, it was good but you know how in every family you ALWAYS have to have a couple of people who are alomst just flat out unpleasant to be around?? Well, this was no exception, I had to break my no alcohol rule for the wekkend and just said Prost! to the whole thing, forget that it took about 3 days of preparation and some only ate maybe a half a plate of food..whatever..5 star restaraunts have nothing over what came out of my kitchen this weekend..so..their loss! Below is the bird..no, I did not indulge..kept true to my Vegan standards but it was almost like

food porn it was so pretty!! Do not know that I will be repeating such a production anytime soon..maybe if my family comes for the holidays. We spent the day yesterday at Schloss Gödens for the annual Weihnachts event..fond a fabulous purse..well, lets just say it was an early Christmas present to myself..but..rest assured ladies, it is drool worthy!! The day was good, we came home full of spiced wine and goodies..found some great Vegan spreads in different flavors there too..cannot wait to dig into them! Happy to report the sun is tryingto shine this (almost) afternoon, maybe I will find my energy source..settiing a goal to reach 63 kilograms by

 end of December, will once more concentrate on eating along more of a Raw line..not so easy and I keep falling off of the wagon but try try again..as of this morning I am going be try and begin everyday with 2 cups of hot water with lemon juice and cayanne pepper as a detoxic drink..it does not taste as bad as it sounds, will begin today also to try and drink 1 green smoothie everyday..I can not commit to everyday as I am often gone during the month and have no kitchen available but when I am home..will have to restart the cleanse that I started last month..what was I thinnking trying to initiate all of these crazy things right before the holidays?? I guess I figure I do not have enough stress right now..why not make drastic food changes right along with it all?? Even the critters are all laid out infront of the fire today..I think they sense my complete lack of motivation..but ...I refuse to be lazy and will at some point hop onto the treadmill and sweat it out and feel super happy about doing so..but for now, enjoyed seeing you all..back to page after page of homework....Happy Monday, be blessed and share a smile!!